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Sunday, March 06, 2005

Metropolitan Museum, Lobby - Variation #6

9:08:29 PM    

Woman's Reflection & Christos Gates

Taken inside the Metropolitan Museum.

8:46:09 PM    

Frank's Hydrant

"It's up to you - New York, New Yoooooork"

7:04:05 PM    

A. Gumbler

With all the media attention focused on 50 Cent and the rap war that exploded in gunfire last week, little notice has been given to the escalating violence in the violin world. Until last night, that is, when a bloody drive-by outside of Lincoln Center sent tsunami-like shock waves through the classical music scene.

The target was notorious Russian violinist KGB, a.k.a. Moisha Schwartzbaum, known for his unorthodox fingering techniques and the automatic weapons routinely found in his violin cases.

KGB was not injured in the attack, which occurred as he and his bodyguards left Avery Fisher Hall, but his girlfriend and protégé L�il Chyna, a.k.a Jia Mei Jiang, was pierced by a bow in the right shoulder and taken to Roosevelt Hospital. Doctors say she will recover but may lose some tempo in her pizzicato.

KGB immediately announced through his publicist that he knows exactly who tried to hit him and his �fiddle� and �retribution will be forthcoming.� It is widely assumed that KGB�s threat was aimed at his arch-rival Cat Guts, a.k.a. Luciano Botticelli, who had a violent break-up with KGB after a disastrous string quartet performance last year. Cat Guts currently heads the classical music charts after release of his third CD, �G-String: Gangstas in Vienna�, in which he appears semi-nude on the cover.

Officials at the NY Philarmonic are asking the NYPD for beefed up presence at tonight�s All Schubert Festival, at which Cat Guts is slated to be first violin. Ironically, ticket sales for classical music has skyrocketed as a result of the escalating fiddle wars. Meanwhile, Julliard has extended its mandatory violence-prevention class for all players of cellos and violas.

11:24:22 AM