With all the media attention focused on 50 Cent and the rap war that
exploded in gunfire last week, little notice has been given to the
escalating violence in the violin world. Until last night, that
is, when a bloody drive-by outside of Lincoln Center sent tsunami-like
shock waves through the classical music scene.
The target was notorious Russian violinist KGB, a.k.a. Moisha
Schwartzbaum, known for his unorthodox fingering techniques
and the automatic weapons routinely found in his violin cases.
KGB was not injured in the attack, which occurred as he and his
bodyguards left Avery Fisher Hall, but his girlfriend and protégé L�il
Chyna, a.k.a Jia Mei Jiang, was pierced by a bow in the right shoulder
and taken to Roosevelt Hospital. Doctors say she will recover but
may lose some tempo in her pizzicato.
KGB immediately announced through his publicist that he knows exactly
who tried to hit him and his �fiddle� and �retribution will be
forthcoming.� It is widely assumed that KGB�s threat was aimed at
his arch-rival Cat Guts, a.k.a. Luciano Botticelli, who had a violent
break-up with KGB after a disastrous string quartet performance last
year. Cat Guts currently heads the classical music charts after
release of his third CD, �G-String: Gangstas in Vienna�, in which he
appears semi-nude on the cover.
Officials at the NY Philarmonic are asking the NYPD for beefed up
presence at tonight�s All Schubert Festival, at which Cat Guts is
slated to be first violin. Ironically, ticket sales for classical
music has skyrocketed as a result of the escalating fiddle wars.
Meanwhile, Julliard has extended its mandatory violence-prevention
class for all players of cellos and violas.