Actually, turns out to be true: M. Bloomberg will offer discounts to protesters who agree to obey our laws:
The idea is that if you pick up a blue lapel pin and wear it, you can get some discounts on Broadway shows, and some cheap food and I'm not sure what else. I would love to have been a fly on the wall when this was first proposed. It couldn't have been the first idea the suits came up with.
Bloomberg: Now folks, we are going to have to figure out some way to control these protests because if they get out of hand, they will make our city look bad. Any ideas out there?
Aide #1: Sir, I have an idea. Of course it's a little strange, but maybe we could make them some offer...
Commissioner Kelly: ... that they can't refuse...
Aide #1: No, they could refuse, but think about who's coming to town: kids. Mostly kids. And what would entice them to behave more than anything else in the world?
Commissioner Kelly: A good stiff kick in the...
Aide #1: Are you ready?
Bloomberg: Yes. I await with baited breath.
Aide #1: What is the one thing these kids are in need of? I tell you they need cheap teenage food! What if they promised to behave themselves if you got them all some discounts for Ray's Pizza?
Aide #2: Original Rays Pizza or Rays Original Pizza?
Commisioner Kelly: I've locked up a bunch of kids recently, and my sources tell me that Buffalo Wings is there favorite food... Anyway, kids today - lousy stinkin' kids. You work your heart out...
At this point there is silence while everyone looks to the Mayor for his reaction.
Bloomberg: That sounds crazy, but maybe not. Frank, why don't you and Nell do a little research around the office and find out what the favorite food is for teenagers these days...
And so the dawn of a new city policy was born: Buffalo Wings for Peace and Justice. The lapel pin is a picture of the Statue of Liberty munching on a Buffalo Wing.
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Here's the site with the Peaceful Welcome Message from NYC & Company to Peaceful Political Activists (NYCVisit.com)
"New York is the place to get your message out, any message," Bloomberg says. "It's no fun to protest on an empty stomach. So you might want to try a restaurant." Hizzoner offers another example: "Or you might want to go shopping, maybe for another pair of sneakers for the march."
Here is the official card you can use to certify yourself as a Peaceful Political Activist.
And remember, if you do get stuck on the West Side Highway, and you see a bunch of police swinging batons in your direction, make sure to hold this card up, click your heels three times and say: "I am a peaceful activist... I am a peaceful activist..."